keeping them close

isn’t easy. on beach days. or any day for that matter. i remember when the bigger ones were little they were so snuggly. cuddly. and needy. i never resented that needy-ness. even though it wore me out. but this new phase. this phase of venturing out. further. deeper. it scares me to death. especially when i see my littlest following their lead. and while sometimes i am content to sit and watch on the sidelines. other times i feel compelled to get closer to them. sure, they are out there with their father. he will watch them. and protect them. but those rocks are so jagged and slippery. that water, deep. it is, after all, the ocean. i felt hindered because i  didn’t change my clothes after mass. we didn’t plan on staying that long as there was a late afternoon basketball game which would cut our visit short.

so our roles have switched. i am the needy one now. sort of. they just don’t realize how much they need me. the world is so big and dangerous. and the time for keeping them close is fleeting. slipping through my hands like the sand through my toes yesterday. and i must have faith that no matter where they go, their Father IN HEAVEN  is always with them. HE is never hindered. and even in those instances when something terrible might happen, i have to hope that it is HE who will ultimately keep them close forever.

the big ones are gone again today. off to the same place. a day trip to the beach with dad. it is probably better that i stayed home. they left in the wee hours of the morning. tiptoeing quietly looking for dry towels and their shoes. most of our stuff was still in the truck from yesterdays’ excursion. besides, i have mountains of laundry to wash. lessons to plan. and maybe even some sewing to do if time permits. i am taking the little ones to a concert tomorrow. i look forward to something less daunting. i am such a wimp. i was so content to sit in my chair and watch them. that is until i saw they were crab hunting. and i am so glad i got up because i even spotted about 7 dolphins swimming just beyond the farthest surfers. my oldest and i got to see this sight together. it was very special. but i have to go now. i just got a call that they are on their way home. and they’re bringing crabs. three to be exact. how that is going to turn out, i cannot even imagine. any ideas on keeping salt water crabs as pets……???

ps. and yes, my toes are still blue. that is the only color i didn’t throw away when we moved, so all summer long it has been blue toes……