dying to self

“if the heart wanders or is distracted, bring it back to the point quite gently and replace it tenderly in its Master’s presence. and even if you did nothing during the whole of your hour but bring your heart back and place it again in Our Lord’s presence, though it went away every time you brought it back, your hour would be very well employed.” ~st. francis de sales

dying to self seems to be one of the biggest struggles for me. not just during lent. but always.

i am a housewife. and homeschooling mama. so i am quite often home. which works out nicely for one who has a myriad of hobbies that can be squeezed in here and there throughout the day. in between those thirty loads of laundry or while someone is “doing” their math with the help of a computer program.

squeezing those hobbies in is my sanity. but it can also be so tempting to let other things go.

then there’s that  bag of leftover valentine candy on top of the fridge. it’s not helping matters either.

but isn’t that just life? temptations big and small hiding around every corner. trying to make even the best of us fall.

Jesus fell. and He was tempted. but with the grace that came from being God’s Son, He got back up and He did not succumb to that awful devil.

i say that with the taste of chocolate still in my mouth.

a traitor.

like judas.

bitter. sweet. chocolate.

terrible. i know.

me. not the chocolate.

but thankfully  today had all of these redeeming moments (doesn’t every day?) where i was given opportunity upon opportunity to really do something for HIM. something that meant letting all of my plans go. something that meant dying to my selfish self. something that meant biting my tongue….i won’t go on and on.

my point is that i will continue to wander. and be distracted. because i am oh so flawed and wounded.

but i will also take my heart back to HIM. again and again. and place it. pitiful as it may be. in HIS presence. because something deep down inside of me isn’t content to remain far. and wounded for too long. because i have tasted HIS goodness. and it is sweeter than anything i have ever tasted.

my Jesus, i.love.you.