sink or swim?
i feel a lot like that little frog.
i wait for someone to wind me up. and then i swim. but the minute i am left to my own devices, i sink.
until someone winds me up again…..
it happens during an impatient. flustered. mama moment.
i raise my voice. does he really need to eat all. day. long.? is he truly hungry or just fidgety? is fidgety even a word? if he was in a classroom setting he’d surely be diagnosed as ADD.
then he gives me a mayonaisey kiss. “i love you, mama.” and he sticks that post it note on my breast. close to my heart. i pause to read it.
holy. it says holy. “why did you write that?” i ask.
“because you are,” he says. confidently.
i don’t even know how he knew how to spell it.
and even though i am not. it means the world to me that during this small window of time. he thinks i am.
i struggle to get through these first few days of school with a very heavy heart. my grandma (my mom’s mom), suffered a stroke saturday morning.
severe enough to go to the hospital. severe enough to alter her speech and limit the use of her right hand.
this is not new by any means.
this starting a new school year with family tragedies and or difficulties staring me square in the face.
i’ve done this many times before.
so maybe i’ll just have to settle for sink and swim.
as long as Someone keeps winding me up now and again….
“what doth anxiety about the future bring thee, but only sorrow upon sorrow? sufficient for the day is the evil thereof. it is vain and useless to conceive either grief or joy for future things, which perhaps shall never come to pass. but it is the nature of man to be deluded with such imaginations; and it is the sign of a soul as yet weak to be so easily drawn away by the suggestion of the enemy. for he careth not whether it be with things true or false that he abuseth and deceiveth thee; whether he overthrow thee with the love of things present or with the fear of things to come. let not therefore thy heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. believe thou in ME, and trust in MY mercy.”
(III. 30)~from the Imitation of Christ on worry.