firstborn

yep. that’s my baby.

the farthest one…

so big and tall.

and bald.

looking so grown up.

gone for 5 days at a training academy. putting out hazardous materials fires. climbing down four-story high buildings. trying to decide just what he wants to do with this one life that God has given him.

this is serious stuff.

it’s the stuff that dreams are made of.

proof that homeschooling kids aren’t un-socialized. un-successful. societal outcasts.

while he was away i received a certificate in the mail stating that he had passed his high school exit exam.

with honors in mathematics.

boy was i proud.

proud of him and proud that finally some fruits of this long. laborious. journey are showing forth.

he was trouble.

and while i knew that this business of growing men doesn’t happen gently:

sometimes i think my husband is too tough. and i am too soft.

so i enlisted the help of another mother.

one who knows all too well the pain of watching a Firstborn Son treading along the path to manhood.

the Ultimate Manhood.

beneath the weight of a cross. bloodied. beaten and bruised.

this is serious stuff.

this martyrdom of mothers and sons.

and people striving to be who they were created to be.

it is not something to be taken lightly.

and the older i get i cannot help but stand in awe at the God Who deemed me worthy to lead souls to Him.

the souls of my children. and husband.

what an honor.

do i measure up?

hardly.

do i cringe under the weight of this immense cross?

this immense burden?

of course i do.

but i wouldn’t have it any other way.

this is what i was created to do.

the martyrdom of motherhood.

dying to myself to do that which God has pre-ordained.

vocation and dedication all wrapped up in a gift.

tied with love and sealed with a kiss.

it’s what Christmas is really all about ya know.

The Firstborn…not mine. but hers.

but in a way, yes, mine.

and yours too.

all of us.

His children.

not worthy of the Real Gift.

but nevertheless He gives.

happy weekending, friends.

hope you are truly enjoying ALL of the things He gives.

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6 thoughts on “firstborn

  1. Beautiful post, Regan! Hope for the weary…

  2. Regan, this is beautiful.

  3. I have to agree with the others… really beautiful. +JMJ+

  4. Aw! All grown up. How bittersweet. Love reading your words, as always.

  5. Chrisitne on said:

    ya did good, mama.
    mama on earth and mama in heaven.
    we are so blessed to have lots of mamas in our lives.
    your son looks like a fine young man.

  6. Rachael on said:

    Regan, I’ve been lurking for oh, so long! But I wanted to comment and tell you that this was beautifully written!

    I’m meeting so many great women here in Austin. It makes me wish I had taken the time to get to know you better while I was there.

    I’ll be keeping up with you here, friend.

    Rachael E.

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