undone

there is a false spring here in cA. i am in full-on de-cluttering mode. literally grasping and seeking out a place for everything…..

yesterday i found an old to-do list that read: re-paint the cradle. it is a doll cradle mind you. it was given to me as a gift the year she was born and then she used it for her baby dolls.

now here we are. two years later. and that same cradle remains unpainted along with a pile of a few other things ready to be put away. 

the little wooden high chair is there too. how did that happen?

some things shouldn’t be left undone.

but they are. because other things and happenings take their place.

and then one day you are sitting in the midst of a pile of stuff and you want to cling to it not because of what it is but because of what it symbolizes: the love.

where your treasure is, there also will your heart be.

my treasure isn’t the pile of old sports jerseys. a nana-made batman cape that we left in the movie theaters once and had to return to look for it. a cub scout kerchief and book. pajamas that my husband, their daddy, painted with glow-in-the-dark paint, telling them they could have anything they wanted…that time i left on retreat…7 1/2 years ago. or the t-shirts they made the summer we went camping. reminding me of that summer when my mama and i walked in the dark and watched a thunderstorm. in awe of the beautifully lit night sky and the power of lightning.

my treasure isn’t even that old cradle.

my treasure is all those souls who have crossed their paths with mine. their hearts and bodies entwined so intricately with mine.

some mornings i find their blankets and socks in my bed. tangible signs that they’ve been there. with me. with us.

i don’t know why i need these tangible signs so much.

i won’t even get started with how i parted ways with the last of the baby clothes….

there is just something so sacred and precious about these years.

the parenting years.

and they are so fleeting.

and holding on to what is fleeting is impossible.

we are meant for what is eternal.

so i hate it that much- if any-of my time is wasted doing things like de-cluttering.

but it’s all part of the struggle: the martha/mary struggle.

both the work and the contemplation call out to me.

there must be a way to bring some sort of harmony and balance. reconciling the two.

yes, de-cluttering can be a prayer.

that is what He tells me.

simplify. simplify. simplify.

it is a theme that keeps running through my head.

it’s your job. He tells me.

to remove things and happenings from your life and theirs.

you can put some things in a box.

to remember.

but let the rest of it go.

let it bless someone else.

the real things that should never be left undone aren’t really things anyway.

and it is your responsibility to figure out what those things are….

with collections and knick knacks in every corner…i ponder. daily.  just what is it exactly that He is wanting me to remove?

it’s easiest to start with what is broken and mismatched.

what about the baby clothes?

yes.

but what if there is another baby?

do not worry about what that baby would wear.

you cannot and will not reconcile the tangible with the Eternal.

He wants to be the center of it all.

and that’s just not possible when there is too much stuff.

so much to contemplate. this de-cluttering thing.

especially when it applies to so many areas of my life….

i suppose i’ll always be the most undone thing in my life.

broken and mismatched.

gently i unite this thought to the hearts of Jesus and Mary.

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