free samples.

it’s why my kids help me make things.

they like to have their fingers in everything.

sometimes clean. sometimes not.

the other day the baby made his sister a glass of strawberry lemonade and i happened to mention: did you remember to wash those strawberries first?

and all i heard was a quiet: oops.

horrified at this culinary faux pas, she didn’t finish said glass of strawberry lemonade.

she didn’t finish the sweetness.

because the bitterness of what might be in there was too much to swallow.

if i must glory i will glory in the things that concern my weakness…that the power of CHRIST may dwell in me.

those words leapt off the page and into my heart during mass.

they reminded me of his sweet little offering.

and our intentions.

and i can relate.

because lent is coming.

am i ready?

yes and no.

i feel a lot like the baby.

like i have something to offer.

but my hands are dirty.

and i am too weak to head into the desert of contemplation.

for forty whole days.

whole being the key word.

but that is really the reason for the journey, is it not?

that we will be made whole.

without diminution or exception; entire, full, or total.

the Church in her wisdom knows we’ve been feasting too much. and not exercising enough. and there is no glory in that.

that doesn’t make us full.

containing all the elements properly belonging; complete.
 
i have never properly belonged anywhere.
 
and quite often confuse who i am with what i do.
 
undivided; in one piece.
 
the idea of being in one piece greatly appeals to my innate sense of order. yet achieving order is another thing.
 
not broken, damaged, or impaired; intact.
 
yet…
yet HIS power is made perfect weakness.
yes, that means in my broken. impaired. damaged heart.
 
uninjured or unharmed; sound.
 
the idea that we can somehow get through this life uninjured and unharmed is something i cling to.
especially as my kids get bigger and venture out further and further away from the safety and ideals of here.
 
the simplicities of childhood become a mixed-up. dangerous tangle of boyfriends. girlfriends. friends with cars. driving. motorcycles. ipods and cell phones.
 
iworry.
that’s what i call it.
 
things they once played with so innocently become more real
bigger. and important.
 
bigger than me.
 
 

life and things are so easily muddied. and muddled.

a mess of dirty offerings.

they’re all i have.

flustered. i find myself reaching through walls as they leave.

some literal. others figurative.

to give a blessing.

in the Name of the Father. and of the Son. and of the Holy Ghost.

they can’t see me.

is it still effective?

this hidden, imperfect blessing of mine?

sometimes settling is all one can do.

when circumstances and obstacles seem overwhelming.

resting assured that those same circumstances and obstacles are not accidental.

i taste and see His goodness constantly.

He is THE sweetness that never ends.

a free sample if you will.

for our grubby fingers to partake.

HE is unimpaired. undiminished. perfect. complete.

and i can be those things too.

in spite of the millions of oops that are mine. (some quiet. others not so.)

daring to grasp and to finish that sweetness.

even if it means swallowing some of the bitterness too.

standing myself on the outside waiting for an unseen blessing.

because the power of Christ dwells in me.

and you too.

happy monday, friends!

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6 thoughts on “

  1. beautiful and so very true

  2. *sigh*

    I used to despise my brokenness. I must say that I have come to relish it now, as it has allowed me to learn forgiveness. I cannot accept the brokenness and weakness of others if I can’t tolerate it in myself. I can strive for perfection, but even in the striving I know in my heart that it cannot happen in this life. The striving is the journey, and we don’t arrive at our destination in this life. Striving is merely the means of keeping on the path.

    Embracing my brokenness deepens my love of Christ, who was indeed perfect, but who allowed Himself to be broken for our sake. For that crazy love He has for us. If I allow myself to admit my weakness, I can permit myself to lean more heavily on Him.

    Without feeling like a total wimp.

    Love you, girlfriend!

  3. ChristineC on said:

    ahh…regan. true and timely. i’m scared of lent this year.

  4. she didn’t finish the sweetness.

    because the bitterness of what might be in there was too much to swallow.

    ***a mistake I oft make! Your words are like water to this thirsty soul! I ordered something I’ve wanted a long time . . . the set of the In Conversation with God books by Fernandez – they’ll be here in time for the Lenten readings . . . after Easter, I will roll into my annual Consecration/True Devotion weeks. It’s a very spiritual time from Ash Wednesday through the Feast of the Visitation.**

  5. annita on said:

    Regan, I tried to comment, and I am not really sure what happened. I had difficulty pulling this post up to begin with. Anyhow, as usual, beautiful, thought-provoking words which spoke to my heart. God bless!

  6. Regan…what a beautifully heartrending reflection. That’s what Lent is all about, isn’t it? Rending the heart that He may mend. Thank you for your words…

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