the right person

meet tom.

his presence in my life is the result of daddy not being strong enough to say no.

 the baby wanted to bring him home from grandma’s.

and bring him home he did!

jenn mentioned something the other day about lack of enthusiasm for school from her little students.

and well, with tom around. the fever gone. and the beckoning tree house….you can imagine our lack of focus as well.

so aside from reading a little archimedes, lego play and math yesterday, we finished rather early.

mostly, but not entirely because that same daddy pulled into the driveway and mentioned something about washing…and truck…and soap….and bubbles….

and…well, you get the picture!

as our year ends…the senior is working on one last big project. the big boy landed a job with the U.S. Forest Service: a paid summer internship (with money for college at the end of the program). the middle boy is ready(and asking) for algebra and formal guitar lessons. the little girl remains my avid reader and fashionista. and the baby…well, i’ve decided to do first grade over again with him next year.

that is probably one of the biggest blessings of homeschooling: paying attention to your mama senses (they are like spider senses, only stronger)…and doing what’s best for the student…no rushing. no pushing. just gentle learning.

after all he is the baby. and i am no longer trying to prove anything to anyone.

not even myself.

the fashionista had an incident with a needle this past week after finishing up sewing something for her barbies. a part of it remains broken off inside her thigh. the x-ray report reads: superficial wound, yet no one seems to want to take it out. words like orthopedic surgeon and anesthesia have been floating around inside my head all week long.

my heart hurts because she hurts.

and yet selfishly….really? a whole week lost in a fog of numerous doctor visits, etc.

last nights’ finale: the baby had three vomiting sessions…while we have three sleepover guests.

in light of all the tornadoes and horrible tragedies happening everywhere it is a shame for me to even put these complaining thoughts into print…yet i couldn’t help thinking that somehow:

“we(i) have taken a wrong turning and come to a wrong place,” said Fr. Brown, looking out of the window at the grey green sedges and the silver flood. “never mind; one can sometimes do good by being the right person in the wrong place.”

~excerpt from the sins of prince saradine by g.k. chesterton

this is my lot right now.

it feels like a disaster because i am weak.

so… may the GOOD Lord give me the grace to be the right person.

and to realize this isn’t the wrong place. just because things are not perfect.

and may HE give me the grace to: to clean up throw up and apply hot compresses with courage and a smile…when i’d really just like to crawl in bed and have someone take care of me!!!

 

thinking

about this:

on st. therese, the little flower: “to all ecstasies she preferred the monotony of an obscure sacrifice.”

and this: on people, by c.s. lewis: “there are no ordinary people it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub and exploit.”

and these roses from mother’s day:aren’t they beautiful? they are from my beautiful sister-in-law’s beautiful garden!

i did just use the word beautiful three times!!! but i had to. there was just no other word that applied properly.

i am also thinking about the baby. he is sick. he came down with a fever late this afternoon.

i noticed, when he came in from playing in the treehouse, how pink his cheeks were.

i am thinking about how i was resentful when this sick child, after being all snug in his bed (our bed) and almost asleep, about to leave me in peace to finish some paperwork, could possibly want something to eat!

feed a fever starve a cold?

so i made him some strawberries and yogurt. the last bit of my favorite yogurt. and then he only took a few bites….leaving his germy leftovers for me to finish like a glutton.

i dropped his spoon on the floor. and gave it to him anyway.

shame on me. i know.

(3 second rule clause???)

what kind of mother am i anyway?

certainly not always a very good one.

this is ALWAYS my argument to people (of other faiths) WHY the Blessed Mother had to be different.

conceived without sin.

FULL OF GRACE.

she never gave Jesus a spoon from off the ground.

or silently complained to herself. gritting her teeth while performing those lovey mama tasks that are so necessary.

you’ve done little awful things like that too, haven’t you? come on. be honest now….

please make me feel better.

i did redeem myself by cuddling said baby. and singing him to sleep.

and even though  i did squirm my way out from under him to post these thoughts….i won’t abandon him on the couch to go get a few hours of good sleep. i swear i won’t.

connections

are good.

especially when they are with people you love!!!!!

and that pretty much explains my absence in this space.

the mama-child connection is something my children don’t seem to get enough of. regardless of age. in fact i think they need me more now than ever: with jobs and bank accounts come so many decisions and things to do!

then there are senior happenings with the biggest girl. she chose me to take her senior pics….and well, that means we were off finding fields of flowers to pose in….and then me wanting some sister shots…of sister kisses.

and faith connections…

did i mention that the baby made his First Holy Communion? on mother’s day.

that smile says it all, doesn’t it?

he has been waiting for Our Lord a long, long while.

and when it was over i breathed a big sigh of relief…took a few days off.

and here it is. already the end of another week.

and i realized that i so missed my connections here.

which have been difficult to maintain due to a nasty virus on my home computer.

making everything online just that much harder to accomplish.

i think i may’ve gotten lazy during lent.

when i stayed away to purge the noise. and the whispers of incompetence at all the ways in which my life is boring. mundane and ordinary.

no projects to shine forth…no garden glory. no books or knitting.

just  “glittering desolation from the starry pinnacle of the commonplace” to use some of dear chesterton’s words.

yes, that’s where i’ve been. at that place where busy-ness meets boring.

and i realized just how so this afternoon. as i lay on my bed. taking one. long. momentous. pause.

with the toilet running and 4 flies buzzing around the kitchen(no doubt invited in by someone leaving the door wide open!) and i thought selfishly to my selfish self: is this it?

that coupled with the fact that i had been NOT cooking a roast for 2 hours because the crock pot wasn’t PLUGGED in!!!  just might’ve been enough to send me over the edge of said starry pinnacle.

no connection there!

between crock pot and plug.

and yes, this is my life.

one mad adventure.

i am thinking too much….it happens when i read chesterton.

does he have that affect on you too?

i allowed myself some fun reading for easter and plowed my way through the man who was thursday.

i was deeply confused and disappointed with the ending. i felt very similar to the night i watched the LOST finale.

“you think too much, mom.” my girl told me.

“sometimes you need to just read.”

ouch!

she’s only 11!!!

and already a sage!

happy reading friends!

if you made it to the end of this post then God love you!

i will be back. sooner than later.

that is if my pride will allow me to publish such utter nonsense twice in a row!

xo.

ps. i’ve got my paws on mere christianity now so watch out!