i had a break down of sorts today.
i am disenchanted about a lot of things and people in my life that i have no control over.
mostly teenagers and dripping faucets.
both can be so annoying.
picking the weirdest times of the day to, well, annoy me.
i took a warm bath this morning.
perhaps that is how it began….
water can be so cleansing in many different ways.
and then i think i went back to bed.
i cried a few times.
it felt so therapeutic.
and then i had a warm cup of green tea with lemon.
no coffee for once.
i didn’t want to feel jittery and energized.
i wanted quiet, calm peace.
the kind that comes when you’ve “cried till you have no more tears left in you.”
and i did feel “as if nothing is ever going to happen again.”
i also prayed like i haven’t prayed in a while.
and really, that is what i needed.
little i. big HIM.
we do this sort of tango.
i know HE is there.
it’s passionate and intimate and beautiful.
and then there are days and days when i don’t make the time to have a good heart to heart with HIM.
and HE gets jealous.
and i, being the fallen human being that i am, tend to look at prayer as ONE MORE THING i need to do, but don’t really want to…
because i am tired and achy and stressed.
and there are dripping faucets and teenagers. and junk everywhere. and laundry. and it’s 102 degrees outside.
and i am a control freak-weak-minded-sloth.
“christianity is not easy: the great religious struggle is not fought on a spectacular battleground, but within the ordinary human heart, when every morning we awake and feel the pressures of the day crowding in on us, and we must decide what sort of immortals we wish to be.”
yeah, so i am quoting a lot of c.s. lewis.
but sometimes someone else’s words are better.
they sound better than my own pithy, pitiful jibberish.
i do detest pithy, pitiful jibberish…and speaking of such…the baby just woke up from a pouty nap he was taking on my bed…he, too, is feeling sorry for himself.
it’s so hard to be bored.
this kid wants constant entertainment.
so i guess i will do us all a favor and get off of here and go find something to do…
thanks for letting me vent, friends.
i don’t know why it is so easy for me to do it here….quietly, yet strangely outloud…in the blogosphere.