heart speak

here i am. strength flickering from a busy week. big kids needing rides all over. job searching. resumes. algebra II. laundry.

ashes. ashes. mom falls down. after being carried away to mountaintops. fiercely seized by satan and falsely shown magnificent looking things like: knitting groups. field trips and countless other distractions. comparing them to what seems little. poor. and insignificant.

i will deliver them over to thee, he lies. that father of lies.

if kneeling down though wilt adore me.

graciously i accept strength and the consolation of angels.

it is a tenet of our universal faith that we experience a passion of our own.

i wouldn’t have it any other way, would you?

i cannot imagine living passionless.

stripped of pride i humbly accept that so many things remain undone.

a WIP basket of dreams. careful. easy stitches. nothing complicated.

nothing that i can’t pick up and set down without thinking too much.

what do these stitches say? they say i didn’t have time for anything else.

these mama moments pass all too quickly.

and i don’t want to miss a thing.

after all it’s not every day that there will be hummingbirds to rescue and nurture back to health with sugar water.

or those impromptu long walks where we stared at the sky amazed at the grandeur of the clouds.

and how about inhaling the sweet smell of rosemary in bloom….

so many beautiful things are calling out to behold and see during this holy season of lent.

with eyes lowered yet they remain always on the prize.

frail and in need of help: i seek only HIS grace and love.

hoping and praying that we may bear some fruit during this time of fasting and praying in secret.

coming out now again only to share what the heart speaks….of burdens made easy. and a yoke that is light.

happy weekend, friends.

hope all is well with you and yours.

eye spy

on this first day of july….

with the very slim pickings from my sad little garden.

also from the garden. tiny. but proof that sweet things can come in small packages.

because i like to feel pretty when i am doing dishes. and let’s face it. i am almost always doing dishes.

i actually have two new aprons and another all cut out and ready to sew. but i am going out on a limb and adding a frilly ruffle to the bottom for some of that june cleaver flair. so it is taking me a little longer than the first two.

do you see the bird too? my family has a knack for “seeing” things in nature finds. remember this rock?

well, friends, july is here. it must be well into the 100’s today. and since we cannot pack up and move to somewhere really cold…i guess instead i will be spending the next few weeks tyring to beat the heat.

today’s tip: when going out into really hot weather, take your own cup of cold tea and/or water to sip on while you drive. it keeps the temptation to stop at those over priced coffee shops at bay.

so, what are you “spying with your little eyes….

postcards from the edge of busy

you’ve been there too, right? busy.

in fact you probably live there. like i do. that place where there is goodness. and wonderfulness. sunshine. clouds. bad days. and glorious days.

that place where husbands have to work. and while this puts food on the table and everyone gets new shoes. it doesn’t allow for a lot of free mama time.

life stretched so thin you can almost see through it.

children growing up and doing things like passing their driver’s education and smoking marijuana for the first time.

he doesn’t lie to you and you wonder if that is a good thing?

you just want to read stories and work on failed science experiments. a battery operated morse code.

and discuss van gough. even though it is a little weird that he cut his ear off.

so you pull them closer.

worried and waiting for the ugliness of the world to penetrate.

again.

clinging. desperately to each pearly bead.

because really, that’s all this mama can do.

from the edge of busy.

because i do care. and i am there.

and here.

and everywhere.

and so is HE.

and at the end of a long day. that’s really all that matters.

i am helpless.

He is omnipotent.

why is it so hard to get that through my thick head?

i wanted so much to talk about food. and how i used thyme from my garden for dinner. sangria. my first yellow iris and the white ones that are blooming next. but my heart is heavy tonite. heavy with the burden of raising a teen in these hellish times.

the metamorphosis from boyhood to manhood can be a beautiful thing.

but right now i feel like i am experiencing my very own pieta.

the lifeless soul of my son lies in my hands.

and all i can hear is the ticking of the clock as i wait for time and grace to heal things that only time and grace can heal.

he is not a bad boy by any means. he is just trying to find his own way. separate from me and his father.

i just wish his head was a little softer than mine. so that the important stuff could sink in. making my life a lot more bloggable……..

standing by and other mama verbs

standing by to watch and count all of the missed catches.

stopping long enough to embroider some flossie doodles.

enjoying some orange marmalade from a friend.

wanting to selfishly stay up late to knit. sew. read. pray. blog. anything. but selflessly going to bed earlier to be better and brighter for them in the morning.

trying to keep the kitchen clean after all meals. (this is a tough one).

taking the time to really look at the pretty colors of the wings of a plastic parrot when they are being shown to me by the littlest hands in my life.

marvelling at that wonderful. purple grape hyacinth. i am loving the magic of bulbs. such a slow hobby. requiring a lot of patience. but the results are so delightful!

thinking about our st. joseph altars. i need a bigger statue. one that doesn’t have such a disfigured face. poor st. joseph.

wishing you all a lovely weekend. and hoping that at least some of your mama verbs are beautiful ones.

march-ing

 

right along. in spite of rainstorms. tummy bugs. and big boys with earaches.

there are still plenty of bright spots:

bits of sunshine shining on socks-in-progress( i broke down and bought this book and so far so good!)

blooming grape hyacinths. muddy garden gnomes. little boys who delight in the simple things. like weeding the yard with his new red hoe. a “hoe-hoe” he calls it.

we are immensely enjoying this book right now. i think my garden helper can relate a little too much with the naughty toad and his escapades.

this week feels gone already and it’s only wednesday. today is music lessons. the post office and library day. leftovers for dinner.

thursday is our anniversary and first baseball practice for our smallest ball player.

i have so many projects in my mind, but really need to stick to my lenten cleaning schedule instead.

oh, yes. this month is march-ing right along.

wishing you well friends.

hope you have a few bright spots to brag about too!

amazement

me:

Lord Jesus, change my fear into amazement. help me to walk with You and be amazed, rather than behind You and be afraid.

listen to the Lord’s appeal:

“you may fear what is Divine, but why not love what is human? you may run away from Me as the Lord, but why not run to Me as your Father? perhaps you are filled with shame for causing My bitter passion. DO NOT BE AFRAID. this cross inflicts a mortal injury, not on Me, but on death. these nails no longer pain Me, but only deepen your love for Me. I do not cry out because of these wounds, but through them I draw you into My heart. My body was stretched on the cross as a symbol, not of how much I suffered, but of my all-embracing love. I count it no loss to shed blood: it is the price I have paid for your ransom.

come, then, return to Me and learn to know Me as your Father, Who repays good for evil, love for injury and boundless charity for piercing wounds.”

i wish i could remember where i got these words.

they are so beautiful.

and so is this sweet daffodil.

it bloomed.

and in my amazement i wanted to share these things with you!

the here. the now.

 

life.

it all happens so fast. the morning rush. breakfast. dishes cluttering a clean sink. kids in and out. up and down. noise. laughter. sunlight. papers scattered everywhere. skateboards. shoes by the stairs.

a daddy long legs spider in someone’s bath towel. which becomes drama enough that he wants you to be in the bathroom with him while he bathes. just in case the spider crawls into said bath with him.

he’s no sooner out of the water and he wants to make a volcano.

but she needs her hair braided.

and then the big boys are making plans to go to boxing tonite.

but i had dinner plans with my mom.

my sister-in-law calls. she wants to go to dinner too.

two invitations for one night?

and i can’t do either.

because there is just too much to be done.

and all i really want to do is: sit in my favorite chair. enjoy my fruit salad. do a little embroidery. watch the little people play catch. and wait for my daffodil to bloom.

waiting for your first daffodil to bloom is a lot like waiting for a baby to be born. you know something beautiful is so close. but it’s just not quite ready yet.

we are such impatient creatures.

and life really is so beautiful. here. and now.

always.

happy week-ending, friends. enjoy your here. and now.

first bud and lace lingo

garden: one of our bulbs has an actual bud. this our first bloom on something we have planted since we moved here at the end of may. i am crossing my fingers that the resident gopher doesn’t find his way to my bulbs before we “get” to him first.

learning notes: lots of stuff about president lincoln this past week. civil war ghost stories. biographical essays on lincoln. memorizing the gettysburg address. playing with lincoln logs. reading the red badge of courage. math. math. math. for everyone. if we stick to it they should all be done with their math books by june 11th. i know this doesn’t sound like a lot. but multiply it x’s four kids. and lent. and me being sick and really, this was a lot.

i have yet to write about all of my lesson plans in this space. but i might still do it. but don’t hold me to it.

i have very. little. stick-to-it-ivness. in fact. maybe i don’t have any at all.

ha! that is a lie. i have it where it counts. my faith. my marriage. raising children and not running away when things get tough.

knitting: i am learning lace lingo. i am even p2tog. wouldn’t you say that’s a good place for a beginner knitter to be? i have to laugh at myself when i lug around this 6 lb. reader’s digest book from the 80’s. teaching myself all the millions of things there are to learn about knitting. really there are millions. maybe even zillions of things to learn.

but i am so desperate for quiet time to do this very thing.

my husband usually takes the oldest to his wednesday afternoon guitar lesson, but this week i practically ran out of the house. my apron still on. that big book. a ball of yarn and two needles under my arm.

he got out of the shower and wondered where i was. i left early so i could be the one to go.

and i did. and i sat there for a blessed 35 mins. all by my lonesome. laughing quietly to myself as i remembered some of the things i read in this book. especially the part that said: you can do anything for a few rows….

so that is where i am at.

or actually where i was at.

right now i should be in bed.

and so…off i go.

happy week-ending friends.

it is raining here. again. so i’ll definitely be moody.

mud makes me moody.

and i so hate to bother you with that nonsense.

love-ing

little crochet hearts.

my first dishcloth using a pattern.

handmade valentine’s.

and budding bulbs.

(this is my first experience with bulbs from scratch-so we’ll see what happens!)

is it really thursday, already?

 it has been one of those funny weeks. you know the kind where one day sort of spills over into the next. i have been “calling” in to see if i am needed for jury duty every single evening. dreading the words that would mean scrambling to get my kids up, fed, clothed and out of the house before 7 am. after all, isn’t that why we homeschool? to avoid those types of inconveniences.

sorry so heavy on the sarcasm. i am full of it because my husband and i are in a “race” to lose 20 lbs. the winner gets to look better than the fatter half. and gloat about how they won.

 monday morning i thought this wasn’t going to be so hard.

but that was before i a) discoverd how delicious nutella is. i could truly eat THE. WHOLE. JAR. and b) sat reading the february martha with a plate full of burnt. gooey. brown rice from this afternoon and 6 organic baby carrots. (without nutella of course).

speaking of sarcasm, i found it extremely funny to read martha’s “calender” on page 4 of the magazine and see things like “clean window shades and blinds”  and “hand-wash sweaters”, when, honestly, are we supposed to believe she does such things herself ? however, i was pleased to see that even she doesn’t work out every day.

on  a lighter note: february is a funny month for me. while we are enjoying some very sunny weather, it is COLD outside. the wind this afternoon blew as if to say, it is still winter, silly, why did you go out with wet hair?

i bought more seed packets today after a period of mourning. it makes me sick to even type this, but our gardeners killed ALL of our seedlings. my girl and i were devastated. the cosmos. zinnias. sweet peas. sunflowers. dead. all of them. we will be starting over. from scratch.

all of our bulbs are doing swell, though. i am quite content with container gardening for the moment, except my curly-haired boy wants to grow carrots. so i guess we’ll be figuring out the ins and outs of that in the next few weeks.

i have over-planned for school, which is a good thing for me because even though i know i won’t accomplish half of what i planned, we have found a steady late winter rhythm. thank you Jesus and Mary.

i am extremely happy, but just a wee bit sad to say that my almost 6 year-old is officially “leading” his own decade of the rosary. with no mistakes. “let me say this one, mama” he whispers to me. and so he does. with just the hint of a lisp. and my heart melts. he is not reading yet. but that will come with time i am sure.

so is it really thursday, already? this bleak and blue month is usually a long one for me. this year my big boy turns 16 on super-bowl sunday. i have a little sad anniversary of sorts coming up. but time is such a great healer of all wounds. the ebb and flow of life and death are constantly around us. reminding us how precious our days are.

i don’t mean to be absent from this space so much. but sometimes i sit here to write and i don’t know what to say…not sure how much i should share.

and then my time is so rarely my own and even when it is sometimes i just want to take a nap or catch up on my reading.

so…i hope that this post finds you all well. enjoying the sweet things in life.

because really, even carrots can be sweet.

it all depends on how you look at things!