i miss u too

dear bloggy friends.

i guess i lied when i said i was going to be here more often.

but then again when the walls came tumbling down i had to prioritize things around here a bit differently than i expected. literally. the walls in this 101+ years old house were falling down in places. which meant some demolition. and plasterers. and re-plastering. and texturing. and painting. and moving the furniture, beds, etc. every single morning so they could work and at night again so we could sleep.

see….not very exciting to blog about huh?

 

i really don’t have a lot to “show” for what i’ve been up to.

i’ve been working on being a better mama and wife.

more present and prayerfully aware of what everyone’s needs are. and they do change so often. we are a fickle lot.

trying to pray that rosary every. single. day. wrapping all my loved ones in the mantle of our lady.

is there really any safer place in this uncertain upside down world?

working on my marriage. yes, it needs work. sitting down with my husband and looking into his eyes when he comes home from a long day at work. listening to his concerns and cares. feeding him a good, solid meal. taking time to connect and talk and lay my head in the crook of his neck while we talk like lovers do…this is important stuff.

taking the time to do my hair and make up so that when said husband gets home, there is something besides “chaos” for him to look “at”.

and that goes for the house too. clearing the clutter. (he does hate clutter). and at this point so do i (excepting school papers, messes, those are sort of inevitable).

simplifying the things i can.

and simply leaving the rest to God.

and then there is the whole “trying to lose weight and get healthy” thing i’ve been tied up with. trying to eat gluten free most of the time. yet not “starve” my husband (or the boys for that matter) whose thoughts sort of go like this on a cold night (or rather any night): “honey, you really need to buy some hot cocoa with marshmallows and cinnamon graham crackers….”  while i am still reminiscing about the snickers he snuck into bed the night before. pleading with me to take just. one. bite.

without going into too much detail i have found that a lot, if not ALL of my depression, anxiety, irregular periods, infertility, weight gain, etc. etc. (health problems) is due to *gasp* my diet. (the fact that i LOVE food. and LOVE to cook does not help much either) so evaluating my relationship with food and eating has been an interesting, albeit time-consuming, tiring, difficult and expensive journey.

buuuuuuuut…..my LIFE depends upon it. so. it HAS to be done. and besides (me) i worry about my kids too…so making sure they are eating healthy and getting their vitamins and veggies. drinking disgusting green shakes for breakfast instead of plates filled with jelly topped scones and bacon + eggs on the side….the look on their faces really is priceless each morning. “don’t put spinach in mine.” “i hate coconut milk.” “that new shake powder you bought is disgusting.” are some of the things which would be overheard if you had your ear pressed to the outside of my kitchen door on most days of the week excepting saturdays and sundays. (i’m not so strict then!)

i finally finished my mother’s birthday scarf. (started sometime last year).

my mother, the artist. i can’t believe it has almost been one year since her accident. my how the time does fly….

i’ve been dillydallying with sepia tones a lot lately. it’s funny how even with all of the technological advancements in digital photography/editing i find that the lack of color in certain pictures to be so peaceful.

 color can be so noisy…..unless you are a fall tree in crowning glory, of course…

naptimes with a book resting on your chest….definitely a black and white moment. (this girl child is a book thief. we are immensely enjoying shirley jackson right now. short stories and spooky stories. spine chilling eerie written so craftily . but because we are “sharing” the book she often reads ahead of me and will text me little “hints”.  it’s driving me nuts because she has more time to read than i do!)

so i promise not to cram too much more into this post.

it is late and i have a list a mile long for the morning.

it was good to check in.

let’s do this again soon.

 

 

playing house

 

when we met with our landlord to fill out the application for this house, she remarked funny it was to see me and my husband, after all these years. and how our life together, with kids, has turned out. she recalled the days when she worked with my mom, they had shared an office and i was the teenager. you know, being the very same pain in the butt that we are now experiencing with our oldest son.

and today, i must admit, that i too laugh now and then about how “we” have turned out.

there is a chicken in my laundry room. a loose chicken, i might add. and i have a kitchen full of local, fresh, organic zucchini waiting to be made into zucchini-chocolate chip bread. littlest son and the middle kids are gone with my parents. they are spending the night with them at the “mountain house”. i am doing some sewing. the view out these loft windows is grand. the trees and clouds are so pretty today. the teenager went to work with my husband this morning. and life is pretty much good. at least at this very moment and i think we have turned out pretty well.

yes, sometimes i feel like we are playing house. but that is bound to happen when you have known someone as long as we have.

yesterday when i came home from the grocery store, he was already home from work, he opened up the gate for me and something about his face made my heart skip a beat. he looked as handsome as the first day i saw him 19 long years ago.

my girl and her nana have been reading the little house books. i listen while i sew and the other day they were on the part where almonzo comes to take laura for a ride. everyone is talking about “beaus” and we gush at all the sweet lovey things almonzo does. my hubby is no almonzo.but he never was. you see i loved the bad boy. he was the boy everyone said to stay away from. nothing good is going to come out of marrying him.

however, 19 years later. four children later. 5 houses later. a miscarriage later. this mostly quiet, sometimes crazy life that we have together, is truly a blessing from God. HE made things right for us. this man is a hard, hard worker. his boots, his rough and sometimes wounded hands tell me tales of his day at work. his clothes, often caked with concrete and other things that don’t come off easily, are a testament to what he has gone through to support us. he has always wanted for me to be home with our children, regardless of how much harder he has to work.

last night, he was watching t.v. in our room and he called for me to come and see what movie was playing. it was the notebook. no, he probably would not want me telling cyberspace that we like to watch that movie together. perhaps it is because we see a bit of ourselves in it once upon a time.

our phone calls, like the one just a few minutes ago, consist of things like, “i got some stuff to make the chicken(the last remaining chicken) a little house” or “come to my sister’s (they live around the block), i bought some carnitas so you don’t have to make dinner”. nothing spectacular. except that the love which is woven into all of these simple, mundane things, still makes me swoon.

yesterday evening i found a bunch of bolts and screws on top of the Sacred Heart altar and i asked who was responsible. middle son said it was littlest son and littlest son screamed, “he is a sucker punch liar.” we had a good laugh about this later, together, my husband and i. i certainly don’t condone any of the children calling each other “liar”. but nevertheless, whoever said nothing good was ever going to come out of us playing house was just dead wrong……….don’t you think?