calm. cool. and collected.

forgive me. please. but Someone. very kindly. sent a wee bit of cool weather our way and it has me under its’ spell.

and i have become a fool for boys who sleep clutching their harmonicas…now whether he is doing it out of love for said harmonica or because he knows if he doesn’t  i might just hide it somewhere really good…might be one of those things i will never know…

and maybe we are both better off.

because let me tell you…tolerating the noise sound of that harmonica MIGHT just be one of the criteria that needs to be met for sainthood.

and if that is the CASE, friends, i have failed miserably.

for i hate that little harmonica.

but i LOVE that baby.

and so i digress…

from the title of this post…wherein i tell you how calm. cool. and collected i am.

and how the sight of these peonies makes me calm….

i think it should be mandatory that people  HAVE to buy peonies at least ONE time every summer.

and then have a drink….

like my mama did at this wedding we went to on saturday.

just me and her.

i was her escort.

i made sure that she didn’t have too much wine and that her friends didn’t spin her around too much on the dance floor(that really almost happened).

hence my cautionary warning about too much wine.

at least for middle-aged ladies.

well, really any lady…because it just isn’t proper.

summer weddings are so nice.

it was kind of fun sitting around watching everyone talk and laugh.

everything so magical and enchanted. white orchids kissed by afternoon sunlight.

a tented reception. chandeliers hanging. glowing candles.

very pretty.

but all i could really think about was my new toy.

and how much i wanted to play….

so off to bed i go.

but before i do i wanted to ask for prayers. for a special intention that will hopefully be resolved tomorrow.

and if not, well, then it is not the will of God.

and i will ask Him for peace.

until then….

hope you, too, are staying calm. cool. and collected!!!!

xo.

 

 

greetings!

from the land of milk and cookies.

the baby said this. referring to the promised land. and i thought it sounded so wonderfully cute.

oops. he laughed: i meant the land of milk and honey.

the idea that there is a place that actually has two of his favorite things flowing is incredible to him.

6 is a great age. it is right before the age of reason.

reasoning isn’t always good.

i was going to say something negative about teenagers and reason. but i’ll keep my mouth shut.

for now.

anyhoo…there is a chill in the air. everyone is sporting warm jammies. it’s too cold to go out with wet hair. and i feel like i need tea 12 times a day to keep warm. and i am wondering what happened to fall? did we somehow skip it? because the chill is february-ish. and i. want. fall.

so i had all sorts of grand things to share. but i am just too tired. and i have papers to grade and some juicy snail mail to read. and the baby keeps trudging up the stairs as if he hasn’t had my undivided attention all-the-day long.

spoiled rotten you say? you bet! to. the. core.

i am IMMENSELY enjoying my snail mail pals-and i rarely use CAPS-you know who you are ladies-it is so fun and relaxing. this exchange of handwritten letters and cards. and, well, just plain special to forge a bond with someone unseen. and really, unknown. yet, so kindred.

well, sisters in Christ (because that is really what we all are, right?) my dear readers and friends. i am signing off of this virtual space. again.

but i will be back soon.

nonsense

i woke up early. probably too early. and by the time my kids get up i’ll be tired again. regrettably. and grumpy. regrettably. but i am so grumpy these days anyway. having teenagers does that to you. it is inevitable.

a spam comment just made me smile: i can has cheeseburger it says. who sends this stuff? do these people really have nothing better to do? really? because they could come over here and do a few loads of laundry…i have some strange instinct that makes me automatically want to give naughty people chores to do. i am definitely a mother.

when i came upstairs to find my magnificat i spied the newest issue of women’s health, which i bought a few days ago because there were some exercises that my daughter wanted to do-abs and butt-plus flat belly power snacks-that’s the good part.

the bad part is somehow i didn’t notice the 25 HOT SEX SECRETS on the front cover as well. it’s nice to know that’s been lying around scandalizing my children for about a week.

i am desperately searching for a prayer routine for our extremely busy schedule right now. i think i have an idea. but it is going to take some work on my part. the important things always are a lot of work, aren’t they?

downstairs is nice and tidy, thanks to my girl. so hopefully this morning will go smoothly. we are deep in history. biblical history. finishing up with noah. starting sargon. cuneiform. the tigris and euphrates river. the first farmers. etc. too bad there isn’t a closer field trip for this unit study.

breakfast: sweet potatoes with milk and honey.

listening to: the phantom of the opera. still. the baby just loves it. along with annoying pop music from the teenagers. always trying to drown out the good stuff they are.

a picture thought: i love all of the baby’s doodles. this pumpkin makes me smile too and the way he cuts things into small squares.

i am really failing him miserably right now. the baby that is. because the bigger kids’ schedules and schoolwork needs are all-consuming. and i often feel like he gets brushed aside. he is lonely for little people companionship and i can’t even seem to fit it in.

so i suppose we’ll go and see that owl movie today. that has to count for something, right?

shallow

05 may 2010. lovely day. good food. cool breeze. sangria. lunch guests. crafts. little girls making homemade tortillas. a little bit of knitting with a friend on my comfy-slipcover-less sofa. playing tennis inside the house with laughing children. praying the litany of the Blessed Virgin with those same children before bed. all lined up. youngest to oldest on the church pew in my living room. the soft glow of the dim light making their beautiful. clean faces shine.

all those sweet memories and no pictures to share. there was never a “moment” to go and get the camera.

some moments just can’t be captured.

and so hopefully those few words will be all that i need. in the days and years ahead. to recall the beauty that was today.

somehow i titled this post shallow. because i thought i was going to ramble on about shallow. senseless things. like how i am catching up on LOST. and how i was so upset when the locke-ness monster pushed desmond into that well. i’ve always liked desmond. brother. and …just in case you are watching this season of american idol, who you think is going to win? and did you think that the disturbing lady gaga’s performance look like something out of the lower depths of hell? and what about harry connick jr.’s beautiful blue eyes ….even if he didn’t sing very well tonite.

but i think i’ll stop.

not trying to be holier than thou or anything.

i just feel a strange peace tonite.

and for some reason i don’t need to hear myself speak.

for once….

maybe i’m not so shallow as i thought…

sometimes i just wanna talk about cool stuff too. i try to be a little cool for my kids’ sake. they already think i act too much like a granny. knitting while telling them whose behaviour is going to land them in hell if they don’t straighten up and fly right. 

so i’ll leave you with that image of me. a bible-thumping. crazed. shallow. granny. with blonde-highlights…..

somebody. stop. me. please.

i rambled anyway.

cheerful subjects

why hello may. i hadn’t formally greeted you here.

you are a busy little month. and you snuck in on a saturday. shame on you. which means today is already the 4th….how is that for fair?

has may played that naughty trick on you too?

before i know it cinco de mayo will be here. and we are having guests. and we’ll be eating mexican food. homemade tortillas. guacamole. more sangria. and lots of other good stuff.

is your mouth-watering? mine is. especially since i had a shake for dinner and not another bowl of that creamy-roasted chile-chicken dish i made. damn diet.

‘xcuse the french. but really, when one is exercising. and dieting at the same time. one gets hungry. and grouchy.

i should go stuff my mouth with nuts or something.

i played tennis all by myself today. just me and a wall. and there are parts of me that hurt really bad. muscles i didn’t even know i had. and it really has nothing to do with the fact that while i played tennis with that wall. my youngest. the baby. watched me. from the second story window of his brother’s bedroom. with two rolls of toilet paper sitting on the window ledge. sniffling. crying. and begging me to let him come down. all the while making it a point to show me how. much. toilet paper. he needed to dry said tears.

the drama that boy is capable of is UNBELIEVABLE.

i tried to be a nice mama. and take them to play soccer. but then there was an incident of name-calling. and crying. and it made me mad. so i sent those naughty kittens inside.

they’ve only been home one day and already they are making me regret that i didn’t sew those slip covers while they were gone.

or better yet leave for a european holiday.

oh. i almost forgot i titled this post cheerful subjects.

who was i kidding? i just did that so you’d read me.

i tricked you. i am sorry.

no.

actually there are some cheerful highlights.

here they are…we are reading narnia-starting with the magician’s nephew- out-loud again. this time the middles can fully understand and the baby. well,at the very least he can listen.

our simple. yet beautiful may altar is up.

the middles have started their missions. who said california history was for 4th graders? we’re getting there….if we can keep the baby from stealing all the pieces of styrofoam to  use for weapons.

the baby is doing some math. addition facts. number lines and counting. as well as an insect unit. we are reading these delightful stories. and coloring in this book. he is all ears when it comes to the violent world of wasps and spiders.

and last. but certainly not least. i am extremely intrigued by Ignatian spirituality. and can’t wait to delve a little deeper. this is something that has been on my mind for years. and i am prayerfully trying to get started.

here are a few points worth sharing:

Ignatius left his Society two spiritual legacies: the examen, and the spiritual exercises. The examen (or, The Examen of Consciousness) is intended as a short daily period of reflection. St. Ignatius believed that he received the examen as a gift from God that not only enriched his own Christian life but was meant to be shared with others. The examen was a “method,” a way to seek and find God in all things and to gain the freedom to let God’s will be done on earth.

The Examen traditionally has five steps:

1. Recall you are in the presence of God. No matter where you are, you are a creature in the midst of creation and the Creator who called you forth is concerned for you.
2. Give thanks to God for favors received. Pause and spend a moment looking at this day’s gifts. Take stock of what you received and gave. Notice these clues that guide living.
3. Ask for awareness of the Holy Spirit’s aid. Before you explore the mystery of the human heart, ask to receive the Holy Spirit so that you can look upon your actions and motives with honesty and patience. The Spirit gives a freedom to look upon yourself without condemnation and without complacency and thus be open to growth.
4. Now examine how you are living this day. Recalling the events of your day, explore the context of your actions. Review the day, hour by hour, searching for the internal events of your life. Look through the hours to see your interaction with what was before you. Ask what you were involved in and who you were with, and review your hopes and hesitations. What moved you to act the way you did?
5. Pray words of reconciliation and resolve. Having reviewed this day of your life, look upon yourself with compassion and see your need for God and try to realize God’s manifestations of concern for you. Express sorrow for sin, give thanks for grace, and praise God for the times you responded in ways that allowed you to better see God’s life.

The Spiritual Exercises

The term “spiritual exercises” denotes every way of examining one’s conscience, of meditating, contemplating, praying, vocally and mentally, and other spiritual activities, as will be said later. For just as strolling, walking and running are exercises for the body, so “spiritual exercises” is the name given to every way of preparing and disposing one’s soul to rid herself of all disordered attachments, so that once rid of them one might seek and find the divine will in regard to the disposition of one’s life for the good of the soul. Annotation 1, “Spiritual Exercises”

The “Spiritual Exercises” of Ignatius is essentially a manual for giving 30-day retreats, the purpose of which is to bring the retreatent to an understanding and awareness of God while dealing honestly with the failing and drawbacks that hinder such prayer. All Jesuits experience the spiritual exercises during their first year as a novice. Lay men and women are also invited to undertake the spiritual exercises under the direction of an experienced director at several local retreat centers.

The sense of the spiritual exercises can perhaps best be summed up by the introduction found in The Spiritual Exercises itself, titled “the first principle and foundation.”

The First Principle and Foundation

The human person is created to praise, reverence, and serve God Our Lord, and by doing so, to save his or her soul.

All other things on the face of the earth are created for human beings in order to help them pursue the end for which they are created.

It follows from this that one must use other created things, in so far as they help towards one’s end, and free oneself from them, in so far as they are obstacles to one’s end.

To do this, we need to make ourselves indifferent to all created things, provided the matter is subject to our free choice and there is no other prohibition.

Thus, as far as we are concerned, we should not want health more than illness, wealth more than poverty, fame more than disgrace, a long life more than a short one, and similarly for all the rest, but we should desire and choose only what helps us more towards the end for which we are created.

our faith is so beautiful and ripe with various devotions. this one attracted me for many reasons. but this month, as we focus on mary, who lived to do the will of the Father, i felt, that these exercises might actually help me to do the same.

see, i didn’t disappoint you now did i? i even gave you something to think about.

aw, i’m preachin’ to the choir, i know.

so…

cheerfully signing off now….

 

i want to be miss stacey

the other day my girl was watching anne of green gables for the umpteenth time and the part came on about anne and diana’s school days-after the raspberry cordial incident where they aren’t “allowed” to be “friends” anymore-they longingly look at each other-and then there is a brief moment where the kids are in the woods-looking at ferns-sketching-and doing stretches/exercises and i had this strange longing to be like miss stacey. so sweet and cheerful. all of my students dressed in darling knitted sweaters and crisp pinafores….

sigh. a girl can dream, can’t she?

it has been pure chaos trying to get back into the swing of things and with Christmas break right around the corner i am so tempted to give up. but it’s not so easy with geometry and biology. those kinds of subjects don’t take kindly to being cast aside for too long.

to ease the pain a bit we’ve been doing more “girl school”. i could teach a million girls like mine. she is so easy-going. bright. and excited about learning. she has learned to crochet. wash cloths for everyone we know are high on her list of priorities. she was beaming yesterday as she finished her first one. oh, and we are thoroughly enjoying reading sense and sensibility together. with no cheating. meaning neither of us gets to read ahead when the other isn’t looking.

as for the boys are just bums. smart. lazy. bums.

and the only thing i have going for me is the new xbox. christmas came early for them and i am ok with it because then the focus will be more where it should be. and besides, it is great leverage. i am amazed at the speed with which chores are getting done. and done correctly. it’s so different when they are wasting their own precious time….

sufficient

i am writing this post from my parent’s house as my computer screen/monitor is on the fritz. it flickers like a sign on a creepy old motel. you know the ones that say OT L and have owners with names like norman bates. so these silly words of mine will have to be sufficient, for now.

i have nothing very exciting to report. i did make some delicious blueberry buttermilk pancakes for breakfast on saturday morning. that will have to suffice as my greatest cooking accomplishment this week.

i have a box filled with vintage-y, treasure-y hand-me-downs to go through. they were given to me by a second cousin-daughter to my great aunt who recently passed away. i see some pretty linens sticking out. linens with possibilities for market bags. the ones i have been waiting all summer to work on. the fact that i have all of the supplies will have to be sufficient, until time allows.

i’ve been going through coffee withdrawals. the headaches are really terrible. but since there isn’t anywhere i needto be this whole week, i am going to wean myself off gently. tonite i have a babysitting engagement. tuesday the teenager is leaving for a 3 day retreat. and except for catching up on laundry, i don’t imagine that this week has anything very exciting in store.

nana and my girl are reading the first four years out loud. i have one eye on my writing and one ear on the story. we are kinda sad that this is the last book. we checked out a bunch of books pertaining to laura ingalls at the library and are awaiting the little house cookbook to come. can you think of a better way to spend the rest of summer? cooking like laura and mary….

it got really hot here yesterday. i mean off the charts hot. but when you are passing the time sipping strawberry lemonade and reading piles of good books on a sheet laid out on the couch, there is really no room to complain.

i had the pleasure of perusing the pages of meredith’s book the other day while the kids swam at a friend’s house. it was great reading. and i was blessed enough to have an interest in Mary sparked in my soul again. it’s been a while since i’ve done enough for her. it seems that as the kids have gotten older we have done less. i am to blame for dropping the ball and i am feeling compelled to start fresh.

i don’t really want to say this out loud, but i am contemplating taking my kids out of charter this year. at least for the first semester. i miss being home. i miss their education being totally catholic. and after this move and the peace i feel in this home, there really is no excuse.

the world is a lot like an attractive vine. at first, the beautiful green leaves and tendrils are welcome in your homeschooling garden. in the case for charter it comes disguised as curriculum and art classes. and then slowly, its’ overwhelming presence begins to choke out all of the flowers-ie. virtues-that you have tried so hard to cultivate in your childrens’ souls.

it happens to the best of us. it happens when life hands you situations that make you feel like maybe you aren’t equipped enough to homeschool. it happens when life hands you a difficult teenager that you’d like nothing better than to get “rid” of by sending him off to someone else. someone else to deal with the algebra and english papers. it happens when he wears you down and ultimately you are tricked into sending him to real school. where he’ll become a real boy. if you’ve ever seen pinocchio, you’ll know where i am going with all of this…….

however, i forgot that i had the GREAT God on my side. and He is more than ready to step in and help me when i am weak. because it is especially when i am weak that He is strong. and “His grace ALONE is sufficient for me.’

just writing and thinking about this post has made me realize that there are times when sufficient is enough! i am not owed any blessings. i am not owed freedom from the mostly minor irritations that come my way. i follow a God that allowed His only Son to be nailed to a cross for my sake. and if that is not sufficient, well, then something must be really wrong with me.

so please forgive me if i owe you an email. you are all so kind and sweet to me. i am just really behind right now. my lurking on your blogs that are so dear to me will have to be sufficient for now. i have to go and play LIFE (pirate’s of the Caribbean edition) with my own father. i owe him a game since father’s day, when i was too tired. and yesterday was his birthday. so at this point, this is what his love requires of me. not exactly the afternoon of sewing i’d rather be doing. but it’ll suffice….

party shoes

 

 did i mention that i love shoes? i always have. probably since i was a tiny girl and i was given my first pair of high heels. my grandmother’s friend passed away, she was a small lady, and my grandma had been given some her things. well, i spied some gloves and a pair of red high heels with a strap around the ankle. i was hooked.

my mother had a friend named martha and martha came over often. and when she did, she brought with her the most exotic looking shoes. flats with sequins.  strappy gold sandals with a slight heel. martha was also a tiny lady, of oriental origin, whose feet were just.my.size.

one year my grandmother took me school shopping and bought me a pair of turquoise flats. i think my whole wardrobe became shades of turquoise that year just to accommodate those shoes.

then there was the summer i took ballet lessons. after the “fling” with ballet was over, i was into ballet shoes. needless to say they wore out quickly and i always needed another pair. sometimes they were white. others black or pink.

somehow, though, over the years as my children increased, the number of shoes lining my closet became fewer and fewer. kids need so many things you know. like food. electricity. piano lessons and such.

somehow, also, with each child i became clumsier. and my heels got flatter and flatter. and then gasp….suddenly all i wear are flip flops. if i am feeling daring i’ll buy a pair of leather ones, with a pretty flower right between my toes. and just recently i did splurge a little with these.

i guessi shouldn’t let my girl watch that what not to wear show.  i think she sees me in practically every person they feature. the lowest point for me was when they recently brought mayim balik of the t.v. show blossom. i so loved that show. i even had one of those hats she used to wear with a rather large floral arrangement on it. i never thought there was anything wrong with the way she dressed.

but anyway, my point to all this rambling, at a time when i really should be in bed, was just to show you my party shoes. i’ll be wearing these all day and night tomorrow. i hope i can still feel my feet by the end of the evening. i wonder what kind of shoes blossom would wear to a party…….

happy, happy weekend friends. God bless fathers everywhere. yours. and most especially mine.