i gather the lace tablecloth into a ball.
little bits of crumbs fall back onto the table.
even lace has holes.
pieces of the weekend come spilling out of my heart.
a heart overflowing with happiness for healing and grace freely given.
it is late monday but i can feel the love that is still here.
i recall the taste of a glass of shared orange champagne.
smiling i think of the way it tickled my tongue.
two spoons and one serving of tiramisu.
a movie with my mama.
venturing out again. together. alone.
she holds my arm. a sign of her fragility. and vulnerability.
shadows from her fall lurk around every corner. and with every step.
all of life is so fragile.
we are bones. flesh. blood.
i remember: even lace has holes.
holes are the weaknesses.
things fall through.
yet the delicate fabric of who we are is durable.
and we can soak up so much goodness.
the goodness that is:
::falling asleep to the sound of rain.
the downpour a soothing symphony to the places that ache.
::sunday holiness. awe. praise.
early morning mass.
adoration. contrition. thanksgiving. supplication.
no crumbs there.
only Wholeness. and Completeness.
and strength in HIS Flesh and Blood.
i pause and ponder:
how is it that we so quickly outgrew that stage of fitting in just one pew?
my loves are sprinkled throughout the small chapel.
how does such a small chapel contain so much love?
because love is not something that can be contained.
it manifests itself in so many different ways.
and when i am not looking it slips right through those holes and sinks down into my deepest. darkest places…and resides with me.
even in my crumb-iness…
there is an echo of voices and i snap out of it.
stories are being read by my girl and my mama.
they fumble. trying to figure out where they left off last.
so much of life is fumbling and trying to figure out where you left off last….
the read aloud: the swiss family robinson.
so many interesting things to make small talk about.
there is a catch in my throat.
i had hoped these days would come again.
days where we’d hear and feel all of these things again.
will it all fall through again?
i take those words and set them aside for now.
life has too many holes and crumbs to think about.
and after much fumbling myself:
i leave this post without a conclusion…