little i

i had a break down of sorts today.

i am disenchanted about a lot of things and people in my life that i have no control over.

mostly teenagers and dripping faucets.

both can be so annoying.

picking the weirdest times of the day to, well, annoy me.

i took a warm bath this morning.

perhaps that is how it began….

water can be so cleansing in many different ways.

and then i think i went back to bed.

i cried a few times.

it felt so therapeutic.

and then i had a warm cup of green tea with lemon.

no coffee for once.

i didn’t want to feel jittery and energized.

i wanted quiet, calm peace.

the kind that comes when you’ve “cried till you have no more tears left in you.”

and i did feel “as if nothing is ever going to happen again.”

i also prayed like i haven’t prayed in a while.

and really, that is what i needed.

little i. big HIM.

we do this sort of tango.

i know HE is there.

it’s passionate and intimate and beautiful.

and then there are days and days when i don’t make the time to have a good heart to heart with HIM.

and HE gets jealous.

and i, being the fallen human being that i am, tend to look at prayer as ONE MORE THING i need to do, but don’t really want to…

because i am tired and achy and stressed.

and there are dripping faucets and teenagers. and junk everywhere. and laundry. and it’s 102 degrees outside.

and i am a control freak-weak-minded-sloth.

“christianity is not easy: the great religious struggle is not fought on a spectacular battleground, but within the ordinary human heart, when every morning we awake and feel the pressures of the day crowding in on us, and we must decide what sort of immortals we wish to be.”

yeah, so i am quoting a lot of c.s. lewis.

but sometimes someone else’s words are better.

they sound better than my own pithy, pitiful jibberish.

i do detest pithy, pitiful jibberish…and speaking of such…the baby just woke up from a pouty nap he was taking on my bed…he, too, is feeling sorry for himself.

it’s so hard to be bored.

this kid wants constant entertainment.

so i guess i will do us all a favor and get off of here and go find something to do…

thanks for letting me vent, friends.

i don’t know why it is so easy for me to do it here….quietly, yet strangely outloud…in the blogosphere.

frivolities

little. tiny. useless. houses.

but they sure are darling, aren’t they?

i have a whole little. tiny. useless. neighborhood. planned already…

originally found here.

i found that they photograph well too….no bad side!

star-spangled

so i have this mini-flag-quilt.

i use it for a centerpiece.

i let my mom “borrow” it the other day to take something breakable home.

i firmly said to her, “i expect you to return it promptly.”

it’s a little game we play.

well, return it she did….

with a nasty little note.

i know what i will be doing in my free time this week….

the first

{pretty, funny, happy, real!!!} for me. (aka: the post wherein i overuse certain words. we’ll see if you can guess which ones.)

things i can relate to…hooray!!!

in fact…i had trouble narrowing it down…

so maybe i squeezed in two {pretty} shots.

but it’s summer.

and i tend to get a little obsessed with coreopsis in the summer.

in fact. not only is it {pretty}.

but…turns out it makes me {happy} too!

and so i may have turned yesterday’s art lesson into a sweat-shop-production-of-coreopsis-inspired-paintings-made-specially-for-mama…

luckily my daughter obliges my fanatical whims.

{funny}

it’s not {funny} that it’s thursday.

and neither is the fact the baby didn’t use a hyphen {funny}.

it’s just {funny} that we were commanded told to leave this there (magnetically attached to the kitchen door)”all day”.

maybe he just needs a reminder that it is indeed thursday!!!

and last.

but certainly not least…

{real}

a very {real} cup of coffee.

two {real} mama books from the library: she walks in beauty a woman’s journey through poems and woman food and God.

a {real} “flower” picked from our mint patch.

and i really played with the ISO on my camera this morning…

now shoo! (and i mean that in the nicest way)

go visit here for more {pretty, funny, happy, real}

(i couldn’t add the button to my blog for some reason…)

{happy} viewing!

re-cap

teeheeeheee. no pun intended…

what can i say? i have a penchant for cheesy jokes!

i am riding this lull…the lull of no rushing.

 except maybe to Mass yesterday. but a  sunday without going to Mass would be like not breathing…can’t imagine anywhere else i’d rather rush to….

i am so thankful to God for getting us through this school year…for taking care of us…for healing….for miracles. the big ones. and even the not so big ones.

i noticed.

what can i say?

i am a noticer.

notice yourself…if you will…this picture…and how almost 18 years ago this girl was born…

about a hundred miles away from where we live now.

and i never would’ve imagined her place in my life…in our lives.

i am a firm believer in God’s infinite plan for each in every one of us.

i don’t question many things. when i am confused about something i simply ask for the grace to understand.

and if i can’t understand, then at least, i say, “give me the grace to accept.”

it’s as simple and as complicated as that.

so, yes…to answer jamie, she is my step-daughter.

but we prefer the term “half-daughter”.

it doesn’t sound cinderella cruel.

besides she belongs to my better half…and we are one!

i officially salute the grad…”you’ve come a long way, baby!”

and even though you will be leaving soon for college we’ve had a good year.

so many laughs. (and even some fights).

but it looks like you’re gonna be just fine.

and i am here if ya need me…i’ll be there in a hurry…you don’t have to worry…’cause baby there ain’t no mountain high enough….

(any similarities to the movie stepmom are purely coincidental!!!)

signing off for now.

i caught an itty bitty flu bug.

that’s what i get for faking sick!!!

 

 

shall we?

talk about summer? my evasive little friend…and how a cool breeze is making the vertical blinds sway back and forth as i write…

and how it is cool enough to need blankets. but just stuffy enough so that i need the fan because it helps me feel like i can breathe easier when i am trying to go to sleep.

no, that claustrophobic feeling has nothing to do with my being sandwiched between two snoring forms!

silly you!

or shall we talk about the great pains of getting one’s eyebrows waxed. i was a first timer. yes, i have always taken the tweezers to my brows, but while sitting in the nail/pedicure/waxing/ salon while half daughter got her nails done… i had this wild urge to indulge my eyebrows with warm, sweet wax!

two. words: OUCH! OUCH!

don’t let those places fool you with their quiet, little private rooms so that seem so…well, quiet and inviting…

i even silenced my cell phone so middle son would stop pestering me for the new netflix password(which is change every so often just because i CAN!!)

after they were done with me i had the sudden urge to call someone for help.

’nuff said.

i am probably exaggerating.

well, tomorrow is the big DAY.

the half-daughter graduates. we will feast and be merry.

and summer really begins.

i finished grades and all traces of paperwork/ attendance this afternoon while intermittently watching back-to-back episodes of the office on netflix. pretending to be “sick” AND busy so as not to be “bothered” by anyone who happened to need anything.

this terrible feeling of couch-potato-ness swept over me and with the help of super fast internet on my laptop it is all too easy to ignore the laundry….which is a GINORMOUS beast as we speak.

but then again it’s summer……..almost anyway.

and next year i’ll have another senior.

and i’ll be super rushed and flustered then too. again.

and so it goes…this cycle of mothering.

do i look like peanut (our hamster) when he is roaming around the house in his see-thru yellow ball? oblivious. lost. confused. overwhelmed. tired…..????

yes.

but at least i have GREAT looking eyebrows!!!!

just because

who doesn’t love sweet peas?

and because i’ve missed writing.

and sharing.

and taking some time for me.

 

i took some pictures for a friend of her daughter’s first Holy Communion this weekend.

i felt honored that she asked me. and tickled to stick my eyeball in that lens.

i really want to do something further with photography.

my head says, “go for it!” 

i am passionate.

but my heart knows it’s not time.

this is not my season for doing anything other than what needs to be done here.

do you have dreams too?

things you’ve put off because you are a mama to many?

i’ve always coped with this just fine.

why is it bugging me all of a sudden?

burnout probably.

summer is almost here.

we have one. more. week. left.

then that big girl graduates.

sigh.

i really intended for this post to go in a completely different direction.

but my fingers got the best of me.

happy monday, friends.

happy sweet peas.

happy mothering.

and happy dreaming!